I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
