I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
