I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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