How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
