The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How external is "for external use only"?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
