Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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