oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
