This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Randomize
