Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
