The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
