May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
