Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
