I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
