my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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