she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
