Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
