soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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