I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
