if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize