Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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