Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize