I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
