I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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