i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
