His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
