Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
where am i from again
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
