:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
