Whoa Z and x make the same sound
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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