"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
