I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
