Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
