She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
