this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
