I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
