my mouth tastes like poor choices
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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