There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
