3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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