Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
