And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
