We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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