Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
