Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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