I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
