new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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