this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
