it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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