so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
