It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
