Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
