i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
