Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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