3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
