Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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