How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
