just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
