I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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