I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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