that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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