I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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