Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
