matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
