I'm really into asian looking animals
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize