i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
